52 Ancestors Week 10: Changed My Thinking

 From Amy Johnson Crow: Week 10:

The theme for Week 10 is “Changed My Thinking.” Genealogy is all about discovery. What is something you’ve found about an ancestor that changed your way of thinking about them? Perhaps genealogy has led you to think about bigger issues differently.

No one's name was ever changed at Ellis Island? Never has been.

    Before you start on your genealogical adventure, there are a few things you need to know. Never assume anything because surprises will be around every corner.  If you ever need help on anything, never be afraid to ask because by and large the genealogy community is full of helpful people. And the most important thing you need to remember is that you should never, ever put an ancestor of yours on a pedestal. If you do, you're only setting yourself up for disappointment down the road.  If you know the expression "Never meet your heroes", this week's blog probably falls under the same category.

    Now, I've already discussed an ancestor of mine who turned out to not be someone I wanted to meet. Wilfred Felker, my second great-grandfather, was a man who clearly had a few demons running around in his head. Thankfully, that cycle of violence was broken and his son Austin went on to have a great life with a great family. It's just a shame that I can't ask my great-aunt about him, there have been some on the Italian side of the tree who also turned out to not be what I expected.

    When I was growing up, I learned a great deal about my great-grandfather Vincenzo Ferraiolo. He was born in the Calabrian town of San Pietro a Maida and was the first in his family to settle in Haverhill, Massachusetts. 

    My mother met him while she and my father were dating and he would actually sing to her in Italian. That sounds like a sweet guy, right? Italian man journeys to America and becomes quite the charmer. You could write a book about someone like that!

    Over time, my opinion of Vincenzo changed considerably thanks to DNA evidence and of course conversations with the people who knew him best.

        Conversations with my great-aunt Nicolina about her father were always a bit of a mixed bag because the stories were never that consistent. Sometimes he was described as a nice man who took his family to Switzerland to attend a niece's wedding. Other times he was described as a philanderer. I understand how one man could be both of those things. However, I just wish the stories I heard about him were consistent. I do know that he had a bit of a temper and was quite stubborn. That's true for a lot of Italian men. Now that I look back at Vincenzo's life, there was definitely some truth about him being a philanderer.

    When I took a DNA test in 2017, two of the top matches for my dad and I were more than a little unusual. The centimorgans they shared with the two of us were in the triple digits. I had no clue who they were and I asked Nicolina if I could see her results since she matched them. She accepted and my jaw hit the floor.  The two top matches shared FOUR digits with Nickie! I asked her if she messaged them and she said she hadn't. I'm not sure if she hadn't had the time to or was too nervous to talk to them.

    One of the matches told me that their mother Joyce was a product of a union between Vincenzo and a woman named Louvia Mitchell. The match explained how this was possible. At some point in the mid 1930s, Vincenzo went to Alburg, Vermont for a job. He was working as a laborer at the time and stayed at her house as a boarder. In fact, the matches referred to him as a "Sicilian boarder". I had to correct them. He was born in San Pietro a Maida after all. Not Sicily. 

    Anyway, I was not skeptical about their claim. I knew Vincenzo was a philanderer and so did my parents and my great-aunt. We just didn't know the extent until we had our DNA tested. Well, I compared the matches and came to the conclusion that Joyce was Nicolina's half-sister.

    I told Nicolina and her daughter the news they took it well, I suppose. I mean they knew he was a philanderer like I said. My great-aunt was understandably angry. Who wouldn't be? Somehow she found the strength to contact her half-sister and they talked once before she passed away in 2019.

    Once Nicolina calmed down a bit, she asked me all sorts of questions that I definitely didn't have the answers for. Her father had a child with someone while still being married to her mother, Maria Tedesco. There was a lot to unpack. Did Vincenzo know about Joyce? Probably not as Louvia unfortunately died shortly after their daughter was born. Would he have taken care of the baby? It's hard to say. No one contacted Vincenzo to tell him about the baby in Vermont.

  At the end of that story, I realized that this whole story was just an example of Vincenzo's philandering. Did my opinion of him change? A little, yeah.  I knew he was a philanderer and the escapade in Vermont proves it without a shadow of a doubt. Though, to be honest we have no idea who came onto whom and everything. 

    I was actually ready to close the book on Vincenzo's past when a couple more matches showed up and once again they were triple digit matches to my father, great-aunt and myself.  In my mind, I was thinking "Are we really doing this again, Vincenzo?"

    Apparently, we were. This time, however, things turned out a little differently. To date I have no idea who Vincenzo made a baby with. I don't even have a name! I only know that she had two children that she gave up for adoption and those children had at least two children that they gave up for adoption!

    Confused? Me too. Naturally, I messaged the matches and only one of them wrote back to me. I explained the situation. The adoptive mother of one of the matches filled me in on everything and unfortunately the birth mother had some mental issues.

    All isn't completely lost. The match's adoptive mother did tell me  a few bits of the family story and I was told that contacting his birth mother was probably a bad idea. I understood and went on my way. 

    The new DNA matches put me in a rather difficult position. Do I tell Nicolina about the two new matches and yet another half-sibling? After Nicolina's response regarding Joyce, I decided not to because the pain would have been too great and at that point she was in her late '90s. I don't recall ever telling her daughter, either. It was just too much. for anyone to handle.

    To make matters worse, I didn't even have a name for the mistress, the half-sibling or anything. I have
no idea when the match's grandmother was born or even if she's still alive. I have less to go on and the match's adoptive mother gave me as much information as she could from the adoption agency. So, at the end of the day I just put that case on the backburner. What else could I do?

    Nicolina passed away in 2022 never knowing anything about the other DNA matches. Knowing about one half-sibling was enough. I did tell my dad everything and he agreed that it would have done more harm than good. 

    After learning about the half-siblings, I wondered just how many of them were out there. After learning about those DNA matches, my opinion of Vincenzo changed a lot. He was no longer just the first Ferraiolo in Haverhill who had a slight "oopsie" in Vermont. After two children came out of the woodwork, a pattern formed. It's clear that Vincenzo was not above cheating on his spouses. Now, granted I have no clue when the second coupling happened. However, I do think it's unfortunate that he kept doing it. 

    I'm not even sure if the family in Europe knew about his umm....antics. Though, I suspect my cousin Caterina might suspect something as she added Joyce to her tree on Myheritage and she has seen his page on WikiTree. I suppose one could say at the end of the day he was definitely charming. Was he a good man? That's up for debate and not for me to decide. I can only go by the facts and while I definitely don't condone his cheating, I just wish things turned out a little differently.

    Now when I look at Vincenzo I don't just see a man who crossed the Atlantic to start a new life in America. I see a man who cheated on his wives and was more than a little charming to people. I can't really judge him as it's not my place. But I do see him in a different light now.

    Vincenzo is definitely one of those cases where you definitely shouldn't put an ancestor of yours on a pedestal. Other people have people who have done far worse than adultery in their trees. And while I knew Vincenzo was a philanderer, I never knew the extent until now and it's a little shocking. It's no wonder Nicolina got upset with her father. When you're on a genealogical adventure, you have to also remember that the people back then were people. They had their faults and foibles. Your opinions on people will change over time for good or ill. You just have to remember that not everyone in your family tree was a saint.

See ya next time!