52 Ancestors Week 26: A Hard Choice

 From Amy Johnson Crow: Week 26:

The theme for Week 26 is “A Hard Choice.” We usually don’t know exactly what an ancestor thought about a choice they faced, but when you remember that they were human, it isn’t hard to imagine. For instance, imagine how it would feel to contemplate moving to the other side of the country – or the other side of the world.

Where do all these free sign post images come from?!

    Life is all about hard choices and our ancestors are no stranger to making difficult ones over the course of their lives. Earlier this year I wrote a blog about how hard it must have been for my great-grandmother Maria Tedesco to leave San Pietro a Maida for Haverhill knowing she might not ever see that Calabrian town ever again. Sadly, she never did. It's a risk you had to take when traveling across the ocean. However, immigrants didn't always travel by sea. They traveled by land as well. I know I don't talk about it a lot but can you imagine the hard choices a French-Canadian immigrant had to make when they went south to the United States? I'm not talking about just their toppings for French fries. Poutine does sound good, by the way.

     Like the Italians, they had to contend with a language barrier because they spoke a different language than most of the people in America.  French was not spoken in New England like it is in Canada. There's no doubt about it. French-Canadians had to make hard choices like the ones their Italian friends had to make.

    Now picture another hard choice. Imagine being a French-Canadian woman living in Haverhill in 1901. Your husband unexpectedly passed away at the age of forty-nine leaving you with several small children including an infant. You two had been through a lot together. You and your husband lived with your parents in a very crowded house and moved out when it was financially possible. Do you attempt to raise the kids by yourself or do you try and find a husband who could help you raise your many children?

    Enter my 2nd great-grandmother Lucie Cadran. She was just forty-six years old when her husband Antoine Legault fell ill and unexpectedly passed away. When he died their oldest child Lucy was in her mid twenties and their youngest Oliver was an infant. In between those two she had young adults, teens or young children to look after and keep in mind there were a lot of them! People say Italians have large families....

    When he passed away, Lucie had to make some pretty hard choices and at the turn of the century there weren't a lot of options available for her.

    The most logical choice we in the twenty-first century would say would be "Lucie should get a job!" Uhh...that would be pretty difficult. I would imagine it'd be pretty hard for her to find a job in 1901. Women like Lucie didn't even have the right to vote until the 1920s. The right to work was still in its infancy. She still needed someone to help with the children.

    In the 1910 census in Haverhill, she was living with her children Blanche, my great-grandmother Henrietta, Clara and Oliver. This was the first census without Antoine being present and from the looks of things they were living a decent life. The children's' ages at that point ranged from eight to 17 and I'd like to think that seventeen year old Henrietta was helping her dear mother with the rest of the motley crew.

Austin Felker and Henrietta Legault

    Eventually, Henrietta moved out since she married Austin Felker just three years after the census was enumerated. She and Austin still lived in Haverhill and chances are she still helped her mother with the kids whenever she could. 

    After Henrietta and Austin got married, Lucie was still likely feeling pressure. She was raising quite a few children by herself and most of her children were married by the 1910s.They were living their lives and grandchildren were being born at the time so time with the family and with their mother became a bit of a balancing act.  She still needed help with her children after spending more than a decade as a single mother.

    In those days, being a single mother was a bit of a taboo topic. Though, I think a widowed mother might have been less of a hot topic. Regardless of age, single motherhood was probably looked upon with pity and maybe a little scorn. Once Henrietta was out of the house and living her own life, she had a choice to make. Should she stay a single/widowed mother and raise Blanche, Clara and Oliver by herself? Or should she find herself a husband. 

    From a 21st century perspective she seemed to be doing alright for herself. I didn't see a job listed but she did have plenty of help. Though, I understand the need to find someone. She might have been lonely and wanted someone to help with the children. And that's where Paul LaHaye came in. I don't really know how he met Lucie. Chances are they met in church or something. However, I do know that they were married in 1917. That was four years after Austin and Henrietta got married.

Blanche and family (Not her grandkids.)

  How the children reacted to the new man in their mother's life is anyone's guess. Was he a good stepfather? I honestly have no idea. I assume he was but then again it's hard to say. By the 1920 census, the only child living with them was Blanche and her first husband Frank Paradis.

    Blanche had changed her last name to "Lahaye" and everyone else was scattered by that point. Some of the Legault siblings obviously still lived in Haverhill. Matilda was living in Connecticut and I'm not sure where Oliver was living. I suspect he was living in Falmouth, Mass. since he married a woman there. I'm not entirely sure about that. 

    I do know that in the end Lucie may have made the best decision for her. Sadly, Paul passed away sometime in 1932. This meant that he and Lucie had a good twenty years together before he passed away. At least we can say she wasn't lonely.

    Lucie passed away in 1937 and for some reason she's not buried with her second husband. I'm not sure why. She's buried with her daughter Mary , her husband Oliver Gariepy and her family in Saint Joseph's cemetery in Haverhill. To date I have not been able to find Paul's final resting place. He may be buried with them. I'm not sure and I'm not in any real rush to try and find him. Finding him is not as important as finding Antoine's final resting place to me. As of this blog I still haven't been able to find his grave! It's so annoying!

    Anyway, Lucie clearly had to make a hard choice. She chose to be a single mother for over a decade before marrying Paul. In those days, being a single mother was extremely hard, and possibly looked at as a less-than-desirable situation. One has to wonder if she felt pressure to find a husband after Antoine passed away. Some widows do not waste any time and get remarried right away. Some remained single and in the end it was really her decision to get married again. I don't like putting words in peoples' mouths. But I do know she likely made the right decision for her family. She had over a dozen children and while they likely helped when they could. Of course they had lives of their own and she more than likely respected her children's lives. Though, she probably would have accepted help. It takes a village and she had that for a good while before Paul came along.

    In the end, it was a tough call getting married after so many years being a single mother. In those days it was not an easy thing to do and one has to respect her hard choices. I like to think that the kids all turned out okay despite their mother's choices. Were they happy with Paul? Who knows? All I know is that it happened and Lucie had to do what she could. She likely didn't want to be alone and they seemed to have a nice life together. What more could anyone ask for after losing your first husband at a relatively young age?

See ya next time.

52 Ancestors Week 25: The Ancestor Who Stays With Me

 From Amy Johnson Crow: Week 25:

The theme for Week 25 is “The Ancestor Who Stays With Me.” Sometimes you find something about an ancestor, and their story lingers with you. They end up in a special place in your heart, even if you never met them. This week, share that person and why you feel so connected to them. (You could also take this prompt more literally and write about an ancestor who has lived with you.) Remember, there’s no wrong way to interpret the prompts!

And here comes the "Full House" theme

      Growing up it wasn't always just my parents, brother and I living under one roof. During the 1980s my aunt Linda and her dogs also lived in our house. If that sounds like the plot of a sitcom from that time period, I don't know what does. I know she wasn't an ancestor but a relative living with us is nothing new. However, one ancestor of mine did sort of live with us from time to time. She would stay with us over Christmas, Easter and basically any time. She was always welcome at our house any time of the year and though she lived in nearby Haverhill it definitely felt like she lived in our house. I am of course talking about my grandmother Olympia.

    Grandma Ollie started staying with us over Christmas after grandpa Marco passed away in 1983. Before his death they would visit us and take part in the festivities. Once he passed away, my parents invited Ollie to stay for Christmas and she would leave a few days after New Years. This was great for me because my birthday was in between those two holidays! I never really saw my other grandparents during my birthday except on special occasions and so having Ollie around was very special to me. Don't get me wrong. They still showed up for a few Christmas Eve parties! They just weren't around for my birthday. I still got a card from them. And twenty bucks.

    We'd pick Ollie up a few days before Christmas and she would sleep in the den at the top of the stairs. Unfortunately, that den was designated the toy and video game area when my brother and I were growing up. Many of our toys were in that room and since grandma was the most relaxed lady ever she never really minded being in that room. Of course she wanted to know about the toys. That's where things got interesting.

    During the 1980s, my brother and I played with a ton of the era's greatest toys. Almost every toyline was represented in the den. We had "Transformers", "Star Wars", "Go-Bots", "Thundercats", "Voltron", "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles", some "G.I. Joe", "M.A.S.K.",  "Centurions" and "Masters of the Universe" to name a few. I may have skipped a couple lines. Give me a break. I haven't had time to catalog every toy we've had. Needless to say we were no stranger to the toys of the '80s and '90s. Being a kid, I did my best to explain the toys to my grandmother. She just listened and smiled. I think she just liked the fact that my brother and I were so creative with the toys. Our parents liked giving us toys that had some creative aspect. Hence why most of that list involved sentient transforming robots and aliens from far, far away. Our parents didn't like toys that glorified war. They liked the fantasy elements more.

 

The cause of many jump scares.

   One Christmas morning she wanted me to play with a toy called "Snake Mountain". I had gone into her room just as she was waking up and we were talking about what I wanted for Christmas. I always wondered if she asked because she knew something my brother and I didn't know.  She was also looking at the toys and was a little curious about this playset in the corner of the room.  My brother was fast asleep in the room adjacent to the den and my parents were making breakfast downstairs. We had a rule. Breakfast first and then presents. Believe me the urge to just dive into the presents was great many Christmas mornings! 

    Anyway, "Snake Mountain" was a companion piece to "Castle Grayskull" from the Masters of the Universe line. It was a purple mountain that the bad guys all lived in. The playset had a number of features. Trap doors, weapons racks and more. Snake Mountain had a bonus feature. There was a microphone with a snake head attached to the "mountain" and you could use it to your heart's content.....as long as you had batteries. Those were sold separately! Gotta love the 1980s and mass consumerism.

    I knew full well that there were a set of fresh batteries in "Snake Mountain" and so I said into the microphone "WAKE UP, JIMMY!" A second later my mother called my name and about five seconds after that my brother comes into the den wondering what happened. Our grandmother at that moment was laughing her head off. I think she enjoyed the toy more than we did. We definitely got a lot of use out of it.  We didn't fight or anything. But we did torture each other with "Snake Mountain". Fair is fair. I do wonder if it still works. It's been forty years so the wiring may be a little shot.

I may have thought that was my
present.....

    My brother wasn't the only one woken up by my shenanigans that Christmas morning. My aunt Linda came out of her room wondering what was going on. My grandmother explained everything and we had a good laugh. Finally, we were called downstairs for breakfast.

    If it hasn't been made clear by now, I think I got my sense of humor from my grandma Ollie. She loved to laugh and she enjoyed playing with us. Grandpa Bob would often talk about a toy's alt mode if it transformed into a plane or a jet but it was Ollie who actually played with us and my brother and I always thought that was cool.

    I don't really remember what I got that Christmas. Knowing our parents it was more Masters of the Universe figures and that gave us more of a reason to use "Snake Mountain"'s microphone. My mother shook her head and my father just laughed. Hey. It was a playset and we were going to use all of its features no matter what! I think Ollie just liked the fact that we were enjoying ourselves more than anything. She DID ask about the toys and once we got a Sega Genesis in the den in the late 1980s, she asked about that, too! I don't think she ever quite followed "Sonic the Hedgehog". 

    Christmas wasn't the only time my grandmother came over and spent the week with us. She often came over when my parents had to go to a conference and watched us. My brother and I, naturally, were on our best behavior. I can see you rolling your eyes back there....especially in light of the "Snake Mountain" incident. I think we can all agree that it was Ollie's fault and not mine!

    Kidding. I'm not gonna throw Ollie under the bus. It was funny though and we talked about the incident for many years. 

    Grandma watched over us whenever she could and since she didn't live that far away it often felt like she stayed with us. We saw her and her sisters so often that I would tell her everything that happened and she gave me some good advice here and there. It was great having her around and she really was a lot of fun. I mean what other grandmother would actually play action figures with you or watch you play "Sonic the Hedgehog" and then cook some pasta and tell you stories?  I'm sure some grandmothers were like that too but she was special. She really was a great person and I was fortunate that we got to see her as often as we did.  Gotta admit, though. The "Snake Mountain" incident was GOLD. 

See ya next time!

P.S. My brother and I saw the new "Masters of the Universe" movie last week while he and his family were visiting and a lot of these memories came back to the surface. We did wonder if the old playsets still worked. You never know. ;)

52 Ancestors Week 24: Possibilities

 From Amy Johnson Crow: Week 24:

The theme for Week 24 is “Possibilities.” “There are so many possibilities.” That statement could point to limitless potential, or it could reflect a person mired in uncertainty. This week, you could write about an ancestor who had many possibilities to choose from. You could also write about the possible answers to a genealogy problem you’re trying to solve. 

This week's banner has no right going this hard. Wow.

    Let's face it. When you're out on your genealogy adventure you're going to hit some bumps in the road. Not everything will be laid out for you and chances are things you find are not going to be pretty. Life gets pretty messy and even back in the day things were pretty messy. And that's putting it mildly, Let's not kid ourselves. You have to have an open mind when dealing with a few problems that may pop up. Your ancestor may not be the person you thought they were either literally or figuratively. The possibilities are endless. You are going to find surprises around every corner and you absolutely need to have an open mind because you might end up thinking Lord Geoffrey von Hemsworth Esq is your ancestor when your ancestor was really a concubine living in the imperial stable next door.

    On the DNA side of things, there's more possibilities than you can shake a stick at because DNA does not lie. DNA will prove connections just as well as actual documents. Just keep in mind sometimes it can be the only thing linking you to a person. "Oopsies" happen and those sorts of things are not going to be documented! Granted, very low matches may or may not be accurate. However, if the cM range is in the double digits or higher you may get lucky and find a connection to a cousin. It just depends on what the paper trail tells you and everything. 

Maria Rosa Astorino e Giovandomenico Davoli

    The reason why I brought this up is because back in January I posted a blog about a theory of mine that was a work in progress. I was trying to figure out my connection with a bunch of DNA matches who connect with a woman named Maria Rosa Astorino. It is possible my father, great-aunt and I connect somewhere on her mother's side. The mother pretty much has to be a Coppola. Of course it is possible that the connection is a little further back. But I'm gonna bet on it being her mom. Call it an instinct. Call it a gut feeling.  I feel pretty good about that possibility because my cousin Flavia did say her mother was a Coppola. More details are coming soon. Stay tuned!

    If only things were always that easy to figure out. This is why genealogy should never be a solitary gig. You almost always need someone to help you out or bounce ideas off of. You should never work on a tree by yourself. If you do, you're bound to make more mistakes and that might sadly explain the minefield of bad family trees over on Ancestry.com. I know some trees over there are decent. But wow there are so many that just need to be either deleted or worked on. If it hasn't been clear already, I like working with people on puzzles like this. While I am confident enough to do things solo, I like hearing the opinions of other people. That's why sites like Wikitree work so well.

    Working with a group of people would definitely help me with another batch of DNA matches I have. My father, great-aunt and I have a bunch of matches who do not appear to match any other DNA matches except for themselves. I've messaged most of them in the hopes of figuring out what's going on and so far I haven't heard so much as a peep from them. It's very annoying. Mimes are more vocal than these people.

It just goes on and on....

    It all started some years ago with this guy. Let's call him Joey. As you can see from the chart from DNApainter.com's "What are the odds?" app, my father, great-aunt, my dad's cousin and I all match Joey. We all also match several of Joey's other relatives in one way or another. My great-aunt Nicolina obviously has the largest number of matches and from what I can tell they should connect somewhere in her maternal side.

    This is possible because of a few factors. Joey and his family do not match anyone on Nicolina's paternal side. So, that takes out any Ferraiolo or Coppola connection and leaves us with the Tedescos and the Gullos. Joey and his family do not match any Tedesco matches and so that just leaves the Gullos. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and swims like a duck....it's a goose. Er...duck. Wanted to see if you were paying attention. =)

    Okay. So, it's possible that this family matches somewhere in the Gullo side. Cool. Where do we go from here? Luckily, several people in the family have made decent or semi-decent trees on Ancestry and filled it up a little bit. I have no idea how accurate they are. I just know that all of their trees point to a family with the last name of "Mazza". Mazza is a fairly common last name in the Calabrian town of San Pietro a Maida and sadly their trees do not mention the town at all. So frustrating. The trees claim their Mzza was born in San Pietro Apostolo, a town thirty-seven kilometers from San Pietro a Maida. The jury's still out on that. Some people seem to confuse San Pietro a Maida with San Pietro Apostolo.

Oh, hi random unconnected tree. 
What's up?

    Eventually, I decided to make a floating tree on Ancestry in the hopes of one day connecting the family to the main tree. Thankfully, we have MyTreetags now because I would not have been able to find it without it.

    After doing a little bit of work, I found that maybe the connection might be through Joey's ancestor, Maria Casale. The trees have next to no information about her. I'm not even sure if she was from San Pietro and Casale isn't a name I've seen in San Pietro records.

    I guess the Casale connection would be possible. Isn't genealogy great?! So many possibilities are out there! The only thing is I wish Joey and his family talked to me a bit more about these possibilities because I have so many questions to ask. Are they sure Giuseppe Mazza was from San Pietro Apostolo? Mazza is a very common last name in San Pietro a Maida like I said. What information about Maria Cassale do they have?  I haven't been able to find much aside from censuses, a marriage in New Jersey, a Find a Grave link and a few other odds and ends. No naturalization paper or even a ship manifest.

    I have a few other DNA matches that have floating trees like the Mazzas here. But none of those trees vex me as much as this one. It wouldn't bother me if it was just one or two people who matched people in my tree. But we seem to match quite a few of them and I really would like to talk to someone in Joey's family so I could figure out what's going on. At least other floating trees I have have some kind of possible link. That's why I didn't write about one of them. Some are pretty obvious Gullo or Coppola connections. This Mazza mess needs some work and I'm open to any possibility. I'm fairly sure these are legit DNA matches and I am open to all possibilities.

      Like I said. I'm pretty sure these people all fit in the Gullo side because they don't match anyone else. It's just a question of where, when and if it's a half-relationship. That's always a possibility too. You never know. The world is a strange place and you have to open your mind to a world of endless possibilities. I hope I get this mess solved someday!

See ya next time!

52 Ancestors Week 23: A Place That Matters

 From Amy Johnson Crow: Week 23:

The theme for Week 23 is “A Place That Matters.” Locations are vital to family history research, not only in the records they create, but the memories they hold. What is a location that is significant in your family history? Is it an ancestral home town, a place of worship, a special vacation spot? 

San Pietro a Maida? That's one place.

        There are so many places in my family history that matter to me and I've talked about many of them here in the blog. We've discussed the Italian towns of Gesualdo and San Pietro a Maida quite a bit. In fact, the more I talk about them, the more I actually want to go there. Who wouldn't want to see a couple medieval castles?! Of course we've also talked about the city of Haverhill many times. I mean that's what this blog's title is a reference to. For those who don't know I named it "All Roads Lead to Haverhill" because many branches of my family tree converge on that one city in Essex county, Massachusetts.  Not to be outdone I've also talked about Haverhill's neighbor to the east, Newburyport. My family had a boat in Salisbury for many years and it's where my grandfather Robert was born. All of these places would make for a great blog topic. But I think I'm missing probably the most important place of all. While I was born in Lawrence, Mass. I was raised in Salem, New Hampshire.

Home sweet home

    Salem has always been an interesting town. It's about halfway between Boston, Massachusetts and Manchester, New Hampshire. Since it sits right on the border, the town gets a lot of traffic from northeastern Massachusetts and all points north. The town has always been a rather unique blend of rural and urban and I think that's why my parents built a house here and raised a family in the mid 1970s.

    They grew up in nearby Haverhill and Newburyport and wanted to get away from the city life while still remaining relatively close to friends and family in those two cities.

    I can't say I blame them. Growing up it was nice to be able to visit my grandma Ollie and her sisters in Haverhill from time to time. Haverhill is a great place to visit but there's something to be said about a place you call home. I was very fortunate that they were so close by because my other grandparents lived in Raymond, NH for the longest time and we saw them once in a blue moon. I grew up with my dad's maternal side and they all lived within driving distance of Haverhill. Italians tend to stay near family. It's a thing!

    Of course being close to family isn't the only reason why Salem is a special town to me. While my parents were busy working, my brother and I were taken care of by an older couple that lived near the junior high. Peter and Mary Matorian were basically the third set of grandparents my brother and I had growing up.

    After school I'd visit them and Mary would often have a plate of grape leaves ready for me to take home. I can't say they survived the trip home. Sometimes they did. Sometimes they didn't. The temptation to eat them on the car ride home was great because she made the best grape leaves ever and as of June 4th, 2026 I have yet to find any restaurant that can match her quality. Some came close. Others/ not so much.

    As my brother and I grew up we still found the time to visit Pete and Mary.  I would often visit them after school or after cross country practice since they lived pretty close to the junior high and high school. They were a great couple with many stories to tell and to this day whenever we drive by their street I often find myself looking down their road and seeing their old house. Sure it was repainted and was remodeled but the memories within those walls last a lifetime.

Soaking wet graduation picture. Lovely.

        Salem is also the place where I got an education and I was very fortunate in that both Peter and Mary saw me off to college in the late 1990s. They were always very proud of the education my brother and I received. Though, they didn't really like sitting out in the rain on Friday, June 13th, 1997 to watch me graduate. Wow. Has it been almost twenty-nine years since I graduated? Time flies.

        On the non genealogy side of things, it's the place where I made a ton of friends. I still remember going through the field behind my house to go to a friend's house.  I may have discussed those adventures. Old man Duston owned the land and let's just say he was not pleased when he saw us going through his field. He was one of those old men who'd constantly watch over the neighborhood and to this day when I walk down the streets that used to be his property I feel like I'm being watched. I feel like I might need a proton pack. Just in case.

    Salem means more to me than just memories. It's a great place to build new memories. My family and I take my nephews out to the places we used to visit from time to time--provided that they're still around of course. When they were little we'd take them to the elementary school playground we used to play in and we've even seen the high school I graduated from. We've made new memories at the various restaurants around town and new memories at the old homestead too. There's so much you can say about the place you grew up in. It's home. What else can you say?

    Of course these aren't the only reasons why Salem matters to me. I've made a ton of friends there and I've called the place home for almost fifty years. I've seen the town change and while it has become a bit more urban in recent years the heart of the town remains the same. Are the changes for the better? That's for everyone to decide on their own and if they like change or not.  I do miss certain people and places in town of course. But it will always be home to me.

See ya next time!

Picture of San Pietro a Maida is courtesy of Google Earth.